A cloud of militant feminist insects will be swarming round Burnham for weeks: QUENTIN LETTS hears a panicked Andy trying not to sound sexist

A few individuals are discourteous about the parody on BBC radio, yet Five Live recently gave us an hour what’s more, a half of satire gold: the Work initiative hustings, led by Nicky Campbell.
Mischievous Campbell was masterly. Audience members must have wished they could vote for him Or maybe than the four duffers on offer.
Yvette Cooper begun rambling on about Keynesian economics. ‘Keynesians would tell you,’ started Shadow Home Secretary Cooper, her tone sharp as craftsman cheddar.
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Campbell, detecting that Miss Cooper was quick losing her studio gathering of people of Work supporters in Stevenage, Herts, said: ‘Hands up any Keynesians.’ Pop! One self image was perfectly punctured.
Campbell enquired of Andy Burnham: ‘Wouldn’t it be incredible to have a female leader?’ Shadow Wellbeing Secretary Burnham, whose rivals incorporate not as it were Miss Cooper be that as it may too Liz Kendall, slowed down mid-air. Eek. 
If he said ‘yes’ to Campbell’s question, it would be as great as conceding that his own, male bid was undesirable. In the event that he said ‘no’, he would be destroyed – stoned what’s more, de-eyeballed what’s more, reviled to time everlasting by the cruel coven of the Twittersphere – for being a sexist. Freeze klaxons hooted in good looking Andy’s brain.
So, matey, would it be great to have a female leader?
‘Er, er, er, at the point when the time is right, at the point when the right competitor comes along,’ said Mr Burnham. His sickness was so evident, studio supervisors must have been enticed to inquire lady for a sick-basin.
A meritocrat could contend with Mr Burnham’s reply. Yet today’s Work is not the party of meritocrats.
It is a party of minority-positive-action-tokenism loonies. A cloud of militant-feminist gnawing creepy crawlies will be swarming round Andy Burnham for weeks.
The fourth of the applicants – each one of them a goliath – was Left-wing facial hair Jeremy Corbyn. He missed the to begin with 10 minutes. Is Jeremy one of life’s disorganized latecomers?
The opening segment was about qualification rules for this election. Might the result be skewed by Tories what’s more, Jogs who have joined Work for £3 to cast a vote for the professedly unelectable Mr Corbyn?
Miss Cooper kept saying the decision required to be ‘robust’. She articulated this ‘ro-buust’, setting distraught accentuation on the second syllable. Similarly, ‘other’ moved toward becoming ‘oother’, ‘much’ progressed toward becoming ‘motch’ what’s more, this little girl of Hampshire made the ‘a’ of ‘grassroots’ so jagged, she could have been trying out for Last of the Summer Wine.
At other times her voice veered from opulent Guardianista babysitter – ‘hospitals’ simperingly larding compassion on each consonant’ – to something nearly Cockney. She kept saying ‘there’s a lodda steak’ (by which she implied there was a part at stake).
Mr Corbyn, having said ‘I don’t do individual abuse’, took a fine swipe at Tony Blair for being ‘pathetic’ in his claim assaults on Corbynism. What’s more, Mr Burnham, a one-time Westminster uncommon adviser, separated himself from ‘the elite’ what’s more, said, ‘I’m not a Westminster government official – never have been’. Oooh, you beauty.
Miss Cooper, spouse of Ed Balls, tut-tutted about government officials who ran up deficits. Talking at this point in her snooty-bluestocking voice, she denounced Mr Corbyn of ‘dodgy economics’.
Miss Kendall appeared Or maybe sensible yet she kept being cut out of discussions. She in the end blew her top what’s more, talked for about three minutes non-stop, a veritable fountain of clichés what’s more, projectile points. ‘I’ve lost power!’ cried Campbell merrily. Translation: ‘Liz has gone totally bonkers!’
Mr Burnham blamed Miss Cooper of being narrow-minded. Miss Cooper blamed Mr Burnham of being insincere. Mr Burnham charged Mr Corbyn of being as well London-focused. Mr Corbyn kept talking about ‘productive industries’, as despite the fact that he as of now ran them.
At one point, Friend Jeremy blamed the Tories of taking England back to the 1930s, nay, the 1830s. Nicky Campbell splurffed with stifled giggling at that absurdity.
And at that point a part of the studio crowd said ‘nobody’s said wimmin’. Goodness no!
It was at that point that Campbell released his savage little question to Andy Burnham about the delights of female political pioneers – what’s more, seconds afterward the Twittersphere was staying needles into wax likenesses of Burnham the sexist brute.

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