Heartache of the wife dumped by our man in Kabul: Envoy ‘has baby with lover’

By Simon Walters for The Mail on Sunday
Updated: 08:08 BST, 22 January 2012
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Controversial: MP Paul Flynn at his Newport home
A veteran MP has angered individual government officials by making  a arrangement of scorching individual assaults on them in a book that claims to lift the top on defilement at Westminster.
Labour’s Paul Flynn uncovered junketing, drinking what’s more, ‘serial enticers who have sex in their Lodge offices’.
His book, How To Be An MP, says ‘travel indulgent person Gulliver’ MPs ‘prostitute’ themselves on remote trips paid for by ‘greedy’ specialists what’s more, tyrants.

He claims checks on scum after the costs embarrassment have not finished the hazard of Westminster being ‘re-infested with corruption’. What’s more, he exhorts MPs to get free of trouble-making constituents by telling them they are mad.
But Mr Flynn, 76, faces an furious kickback from MPs over his meagerly camouflaged cartoons of real-life politicians. They incorporate the ‘witch doctor’, ‘tantric teaser’, ‘media tart’, ‘shroud waver’, ‘world conscience’,  ‘in-flight fueller’, ‘virtuoso bore’ what’s more, ‘single-issue eccentric’. Most are not identified, yet a few show up effectively recognisable.
The ‘witch doctor’ MP is an anonymous ‘eccentric’ who bolsters ‘wild elective medicinal advice’. Mr Flynn says the MP reimbursed £755 he guaranteed in costs for ‘astrology software’ what’s more, had a £125 assert for a class on ‘the male what’s more, female essence’ rejected. In the costs scandal, the Tory MP David Tredinnick, an advocate of elective medicine, paid back £755 for crystal gazing programming what’s more, had a £125 guarantee for a course in ‘the male what’s more, female essence’ turned down.

Mr Flynn, MP for Newport West, moreover alludes to an anonymous part marked ‘Gorillagram’ since he ‘could acquire a living conveying gorillagrams without the help of a monkey suit’. At that point there was an unknown Tory known as the ‘Talking Develop Bag’ for his ‘dreary nation suits’ what’s more, a ‘Fred No one MP’  inquiring interminable questions about an African nation he had visited. Inquired to name them, Mr Flynn refused, saying: ‘It might disturb them. There are parts of Fred Nobodies. It could be one of 20.’
Mr Flynn lambasts ‘Gulliver’ MPs – ‘travel epicureans comforted by long hours in the sun at the poolside of a extravagance hotel’. He says: ‘Commercial side trips stuff huge amounts of protein what’s more, liquor into MPs: perfect for those who have chosen to prostitute their time to the most astounding bidder.

Target: Nigel Evans MP posturing with artists Emma Scott (left) what’s more, Charlotte O’Neil (right) from the vision move troupe, in the MPs’ dinning room at the Houses of Parliament
‘Dozens of monstrous abusive governments welcome soft-hearted, soft-brained MPs. Azerbaijan, Belarus what’s more, Central Guinea are the most recent favourites.’
He insinuates to three anonymous Tories who ‘in 2011 flew to the for hell’s sake gap of Tropical Guinea. They flew business-class to the oil-rich African nation what’s more, the add up to cost of the visit was nearly £25,000. The greatest truth that the maladroit trio found on this side trip was their possess ineptitude’. They were ‘cosying up to a degenerate tyrant with a human-rights record midway between Adolf Hitler what’s more, Attila the Hun’.
Last year, Traditionalist MPs  Nadine Dorries, Caroline Nokes what’s more, Steve Pastry specialist gone by Tropical Guinea. All three proclaimed the trip in the Lodge register, with the add up to cost coming to £24,170. There is no recommendation that they made any individual gain.
Under fire: Crystal gazing fan David Tredinnick, left, what’s more, Labour’s ‘blessed’ Forthcoming Field, right

‘Travel indulgent person Gullivers’: Paul Flynn claims to have uncovered junketing, counting trips by Caroline Nokes, left, what’s more, Nadine Dorries, right

Mr Flynn provocatively recommends Speaker John Bercow’s two (unnamed) appointees stood for race to the post in 2010 for the perks. Inquiring poignantly why they gave up their right to talk in debates, he says: ‘Very significantly, no one said the work conveys an extra compensation of up to £40,000 what’s more, comes with false prestige, dabs of guilt-free remote travel what’s more, exquisite dining.’
Tory Nigel Evans what’s more, Labour’s Lindsay Hoyle progressed toward becoming Agent Speakers in 2010. Both said they needed the work since of their solid confidence in Parliament.
Witty Mr Flynn parodies ‘divine messenger’ MPs who ‘affect a churchly voice what’s more, a religious lifestyle’. Labour’s ‘blessed’ Plain Field is an example, he says.
The book, distributed by Biteback, offers exhortation on ‘How To Compose An Injurious Standard Letter’ to constituents who inquire them ‘to do something light a long time from your political stance’. The best way is to say: ‘Thank you for your communication, which I put in my crazy letters file.’
In a manage to sex what’s more, liquor in Westminster, Mr Flynn says flings are ‘inevitable’ what’s more, talks of ‘furtive experiences in parliamentary workplaces at the point when resistance levels are falling what’s more, testosterone levels are rising .??.??. serial enticers of both genders meander the corridors’.  
The Commons’ exquisite Pugin Room is ‘sinfully agreeable .??.??. famous for sentimental encounters’. By contrast, the MPs’ Smoking Room is a ‘melange of gentleman’s club what’s more, geriatric home, a shelter for liquor addicts’. On expenses, he argues: ‘The control of avarice still looks for to degenerate the control of Parliament. The fumigation of the Castle can’t anticipate its re-infestation.’
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